I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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