Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
