This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
