I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
