You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
40s are totally the cure
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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