one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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