Umm I'm too high to move.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
