haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
