Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
