Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
