God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
