its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize