Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I need moral support for this bender
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
