dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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