You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
