I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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