yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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