I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish you could order shots online.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
