He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
