I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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