Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
