why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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