he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize