Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
