can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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