You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
