I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
