When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
