Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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