Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
