when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
