3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
