Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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