wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
