What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
