I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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