if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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