Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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