I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
