my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
