Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
