dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
