I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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