I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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