I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your penis caused this!
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