I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
