Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
