The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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