I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
