You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
