hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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