just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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