Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
