Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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