I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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