it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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