You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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