My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
