They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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