Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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