I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
