Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
