Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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