I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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