i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
