Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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