look no pants
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So squirting runs in the family.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
