sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize