Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
