Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
