Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
