i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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