She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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