I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
