And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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