Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
